7 years ago today. One conversation drastically changed my life forever. Let me set the stage:
Merely a week and a half away from finishing my freshman year of college at Pepperdine University, I was looking forward to a summer free of essays, reading, presentations. Driving through the canyon between Malibu and my hometown, I talked aloud to the invisible passenger next to me. His name was Jesus, you know the son of God. This had become a habit over the course of the past six months as I drove from Pepperdine to the High school girls bible study I lead. Jesus and I had many conversations. See before on these drives, I had a boyfriend to call and entertain me from the monotony of driving, and since the breakup I needed someone to fill that void. Enter Jesus. I’d known him for most of my life, but never before had I realized the depth of a relationship he offered.
From my hopes and dreams to stresses and frustrations, I was able to vent to the one who could actually change my circumstances, my attitude, my heart. No boyfriend could do that.
April 20th, 2010. I remember my conversation with Jesus very clearly.
As I was heading to an interview at my church for a summer internship with the high school ministry, Jesus and I talked about my future husband….duh.
Jesus, these past few months being single have been AMAZING. I never thought I would say that, but because of YOU they truly have been. I don’t want to mess around with dating anymore. I want the next guy I seriously date to be the one, to be my future husband.
Now, Jesus, I wholeheartedly believe in your plan, your will, and your sovereignty. I believe you already know the exact man who will be my husband.
For my sake, so I can just know that we’ve talked about it, can I tell you about my dream guy?
-Well first and foremost, he will love you more than he loves me.
-The way he loves me will draw me closer to you.
-He will serve you in whatever job he has.
-He will treat me with kindness and grace.
-He will take care of me.
-He won’t raise his voice in anger.
-He won’t judge others, but seek to understand differences.
-He will be attractive and funny (obvi)
-I will respect, admire and trust him.
I trust you though. You might have someone who far surpasses this list of things that I think I want, but whoever they are, I pray you make it abundantly clear that it is him. Angels singing “Hallelujah” every time he walks by or like a weird Touched by an Angel halo-light shining down on his face. You know something like that would be great.
God, I also trust you that if you wish me to be single for a long while or for my whole life that I will live a life full of joy and love. I firmly believe that you, Jesus, are enough. I don’t need a handsome prince to fill any void, because you are the Prince of Peace who slayed the dragon of my sin and saved me from my guilt and shame. You have loved me far more than any man on this earth ever could, and while the desire of my heart is for a husband and marriage, the even greater desire is to draw closer and more in love with you. If a man came along who would support and help me love you better, than I welcome him wholeheartedly; but if not, I know a life lived loving you will be full.
I walked into my interview, the pastor offered me the job, I accepted.
As we got up to leave, he asked. “Do you know a guy named Brian Howard?”
“No, I don’t think so.”
“Well let me introduce you to him. He is right outside and I’m about to offer him the job. You two will be working together all summer”
I turn the corner to see a tall, handsome man in a blue shirt that complemented his blue eyes walking confidently towards me...